I’m writing this blog not because I feel particularly chatty, but because I’m trying to write regardless of how I feel in that particular moment. I actually feel like I am the opposite of chatty and friendly. I’m exhausted and a bit broken once again.
I am once again going through a new season in my life where I have to show up for me, despite how I feel. I have to write even if I don’t particularly feel like writing becuase I know that will help. It doesn’t feel like it will help right now, but it will. I’m going through the motions and taking small steps toward healing myself because I refuse to get stuck in the sad trap again. The trap where sadness weighs me down and even the smallest things are impossible. I don’t want to be trapped again. Something else happened in my life recently that is pretty sad. I’m not writing about that yet because it’s raw. It hurts and I thought I was done with this particular form of pain. Turns out the pain evolves and the sadness trap awaits again. But I’m not trapped. I’m remembering just how free I am. I’m remembering that I can control my emotions and instead of getting stuck in the sad, I’m deciding to write about what you can do to avoid this trap. Maybe the few lessons I’ve learned as I’ve had to crawl out of this new pit will help you.
- Acknowledge what has happened and ask yourself “how has nothing gone wrong?” As Humans in 2022, we tend to think the worst. We overthink and worry that because something hasn’t gone the way we wanted it to, nothing else will go right. Instead we can acknowledge our thoughts but reframe the questions of “how did I fail AGAIN?” and “why did this happen to me?” with “where’s the good here?” and “What am I learning?” Maybe nothing went wrong, everything happened as it did and it is what it is, and I just can’t see the blessing in disguise yet.
- You know how to take care of yourself, do it, even if it doesn’t look like self care to someone else. I’ve been really trying with this one lately – sometimes it’s just really hard to prioritize our own needs after spending so much time making sure everyone else’s needs were met. But, again, I’m doing it. I’m working out when I don’t really feel like going to the gym and I usually feel better afterwards. I changed the sheets on my bed. I made myself a yummy dinner. I’m showing up to work, I’m drinking water. I’m going on walks outside and taking as long as I need to cry if I feel I need to cry. It’s not glamorous and some days it’s way harder than others just to show up, but I am. I’m taking care of me, for me.
- Remember that sometimes people don’t know what to say in sad situations, and that is no reflection of you. You don’t have to tell anyone really if you’re feeling sad or there was another new change in your life. You owe no one explanations – especially if you don’t fully have an explanation yourself. But sometimes it is helpful to call a friend or family member and talk things through. But don’t get annoyed or irritated when advice seems cliche or unsolicited – they’re just trying to help.
Just keep showing up. Little by little the sadness will fade, even if it feels like this empty sadness will never go away, it will. Take care of yourself, build your support team around you, keep going. You will be ok, even if you feel trapped by sadness.
Erin A Clark 