Dreary

The last few days have been rainy, cold, dreary.

The cold weather plus the eclipse season has got me feeling a bit down. I feel like I want to crawl under the covers and hibernate for some time.

But it’s not just the last few days. I’ve had a lingering feeling of apathy, a general sadness with no ambition to accomplish anything. Lately, life has been a bit boring, a bit mundane.

I’m not complaining, I’ll take boring over tragic any day. But each day is about the same. I wake up, make my coffee and write in my journal. I start my work day, I make my phone calls, send my emails. At lunch and throughout the day, I’ll take a break to walk down my street, get some fresh air. After work, I go to the gym. I come home, shower, make myself dinner, watch a show or read. Then I go to bed and do it all over again.

I thought I’d love the work-from-home life, and I certainly don’t hate it. But I’m all alone. The isolation adds to the dreariness.

The weekends have been my time for adventure or visiting family and friends. But I come home to an empty apartment and can’t help but feel bored, tired, apathetic.

I don’t know what I need to feel excited. I’m not sure what will bring back some joy. Maybe I need to change jobs again. Maybe I need to move to a new city, start fresh once more. Maybe I need a new hobby, one that brings socialization into my world.

There’s a part of me who likes this boring life. I’ve worked so hard to finally have some stability. And it’s nice, simple. I like the bi-weekly paycheck that comes regardless of my sales. I like my routine and feeling like I finally have my footing. But a bigger part misses the girl I was who always wanted more, always sought the next thing, traveled all the time and always had a great story to share. Can I get back to her? I need something to look forward to. Maybe someone to share even the most boring days with.

I’m curious, what do you do to combat this mundane, boring, every day dreary-ness? I’m trying to stay positive and remind myself this is all only temporary, but sometimes that heaviness gets the best of me. I’ll switch up the routine a bit, but keep that stability. Maybe what I need is a vacation, something to look forward to. Maybe I need a passion project, something that brings me some excitement. For now, I will chug along. I’ll keep showing up, keep taking care of myself. Even if it’s boring, it’s better than the chaos of the past. Even if it’s boring, or I’m tired, I’ll keep going. Otherwise the drearyness will swallow me whole.