Fun

Lately my focus has been on fun and genuine enjoyment.  

I feel like we spend so much of our time fulfilling obligations, meeting requirements. For work, general upkeep, paying the bills, living in late-stage capitalism when our bodies want to relax and enjoy ourselves is hard.  We live in a time where it’s common to be overcome with worry and stress, living in the “day-to day grind”.  It’s uncommon for someone to not be stressed and living only in joy. 

Life is not meant to just work, pay bills and die.  

There’s so much more. 

Even if you enjoy your work and it doesn’t feel like you’re in the daily grind.  Even if you’re ahead on your bills and living comfortably, there’s always more. More to do, more things to pay for, more time away from ourselves.  

For me, I get easily burnt out – especially if most of my days are spent doing something I don’t enjoy, especially if what I’m spending most of my time doing is not aligned with what I want to really be doing.  A few months ago, I could feel the early tingles of burn out. the whisper of a flame starting. To avoid it, I decided to set a boundary and not complain about work on the weekends. I would do at least one really fun thing on the weekend so that by the time monday rolled around, I am refreshed and able to be present in my job – a job that takes ALOT of mental energy.

I don’t like my job most days. I think most people my age or in a similar role feel the same. I’m stressed and trying to meet quotas and sales obligations. I feel like a cog in the wheel of the corporation trying to make sales. It’s not particularly difficult, but the mental drain of not knowing when the next sale will come from or if I’m in the right territory or if I’m going to make the monthly quota is tolling. I know I could quit at any time. Give my two weeks and be done. I could find another job fairly quickly, sell something that I use personally and can relate more to the people I’m trying to sell it to.  But of course, I like the paychecks that come, I like the insurance I have, the safety of this stable desk job. I don’t want to go through the process of updating my resume, job searching and interviewing just to be in the same situation selling a different thing. It’s stressful, but at least I’m paying my bills, right? And overall, it is a good job. The company is good, the pay is fair, the benefits are good and the turnover rate is pretty low – many of the people on my team have been with the company for 10 plus years.  

 But still I think “there’s no way I can do this job for 20 years and retire” it’s just not sustainable, my stress levels are too high. I often wonder how the people that have been with this company for 10, 20, 25 years have done it. Maybe the sales associate role has changed in that time and it’s more stressful now. Or maybe they’re totally desentisitized to the mundane role of making calls, sending emails, selling products. And I wonder how much of this job do I actually enjoy and how much am I pushing through just to push through, to keep this income, to feel that I’m being productive. Grinding myself right to the ground.  

So we work and work to feel productive, to provide, even if it’s draining and unenjoyable. And even in my own business. It is enjoyable, It’s not draining. I can write and enjoy writing. But I wonder am I producing enough?”  “is what I’m producing meaningful?” “how will people perceive this?” “am I making enough money?” the questions are never ending, as is the work that I feel I must complete.  

We, especially women in America, feel this constant need for improving. If we’re not improving, producing, paying our bills, supporting our families, and doing it all on our own, we’re not doing enough.  Even on days when we are “resting” we still feel that we have to be productive. We spin our wheels until we’re stuck.  We refuse help and wear our independence as a badge of honor.  

But I know there’s more.  I have been mindful of my rest days. I make a promise to myself that I won’t spend my weekends, my two days of mental freedom, stressing about my day job.  And even in my daily grind, I take breaks. I took my lunch early the other day just to sit outside and enjoy the snow.

Over the last few months I’ve been prioritizing fun.  I find the small joys in each day and at least one day of the weekend is spent with something new or something I love. Even if it’s a short walk in the woods or a full weekend snowboarding with friends.  I’ve been seeking out more fun and not agreeing to things that don’t seem fun.  A coach I worked with a few years ago taught me the mindset of “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a fuck no.”  So if someone asks me to do something, for example driving 45 minutes just to get a drink in a bar I know I don’t like and with someone I’m not sure if I’d enjoy their conversation, no thank you.  Unless I’m really excited about it, I probably wouldn’t enjoy it. So I’ve used that as a guide. Am I really excited for this? No? I’m out. Maybe it’s selfish, but here’s the thing, It’s my life.  I only get one. I spend a lot of it working and, for now, working and not enjoying it, I’m not going to spend my free time doing something that’s boring or uncomfortable or upsetting. 

Obviously there are times that are not fun, not enjoyable and I know I can’t always do exactly what I want. But if I have the choice, I will choose me, I will choose enjoyment. And lately, I have been prioritizing joy.    

So I’ve been seeking fun – walking in the woods, saying yes to snowboarding trips, concerts, time with my friends and family, reading good books, cooking delicious foods, trying new things if I am excited to, opting out of situations I know I wouldn’t enjoy. And with this focus I’ve been having more fun, I’ve been enjoying my time, and even more, I don’t feel guilty for saying no to things. 

Whether it’s our boring or stressful day jobs or the feeling of not being enough because we’re not doing enough, so much of our mental space is taken up by this stress.  What’s left is room for fun.  Make the time for enjoyment.  Even if it’s sending those boring emails, or going to a job you don’t particularly like, ask “how can I enjoy this?” I challenge you to take it a step further “How can this be fun?” You’ll find the answer.  And even if you can’t make everything fun, what are you doing in the time you’re not doing that. On your days off are you complaining about work to anyone who will listen or are you spending your saturday taking yourself out on a date or trying a new restaurant with your friends or going on a fun adventure. Protect your peace, and prioritize fun.